Domestic Dog as idol

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a dog lover myself. Indeed, I love all animals; will even make kissy noises as I pass by the sheep in our rural neighbourhood.

But what I don’t like is the absolute reverence now paid to dogs, as if they were small little deities. We include them in activities once reserved for humans – visiting cafes, sleeping in our beds (sometimes even in hotels), taking them to daycare – and we convince ourselves that it’s for their benefit, rather than for our own comfort or amusement. The extravagant outfit, the puppuccino, the day at the doggy spa, all for them and nothing to do with our emotional needs.

We anthropomorphise dogs, attributing human traits to them, aiding us in developing connection and empathy, but not necessarily healthy for us or the dogs. Some of it is even bad for the poor animals, such as comments I hear like “if you’re cold and you need to pop a jumper on, so does your dog!” Uh, no, since the dog is already sporting a fine fur coat. We treat them as special individuals with convoluted needs. Here’s a creature who thinks nothing of chowing down on a pile of possum poo, yet we’re now saying that one piece of chocolate will kill them? Is their constitution that delicate? And the number of dogs who, on their daily walk, are apparently unable to participate in normal interactions with humans and other dogs seems to have skyrocketed. Their owners go out of their way to avoid coming near me, giving the dog the excuse of aggressive behaviour or not being good at socialising. Their pet is special, you see, and has intense psychological issues that I cannot comprehend, complicated little beast that it is. But could it be that we have made an unnecessary rod for our back? Creating problems where none exist? The way things are going, we may soon have dogs with ADHD and autism. Maybe even transgenderism. I joke, but not entirely. Anything seems possible in our world of relative truths.

I see posts on social media with the sentiment “I’d give up all that I have if my dog could live forever.” Talk about making an idol. Some clearly worship their dogs. Recently deceased actress Diane Keaton reportedly left a cool 5 million to her dog in her will. Dogs are the new grandchildren, it seems.

Earlier this year, the ACT Government proposed ludicrous new dog laws mandating three hours human contact a day. I doubt some children get that much time with their parents. Furthermore, there is no nuance in this ruling. For starters, it assumes that only human company will do, but surely two or more dogs ‘alone’ at home are quite well entertained and relaxed. They are pack animals, after all. What it seems to amount to is treating dogs like children. We’ve all heard the odious term fur babies, which contributes to the sentiment that these ‘babies’ are as precious as human ones and are thus deserving of and grateful for human luxuries such as fancy clothes and fine dining.

Meanwhile, I hear the estimable Victorian government is making it legal to have your pet buried with you when you die. I wonder how that works? Would the poor pooch be euthanised at the time of your demise and put in the coffin with you? If he dies before you, would you keep him on ice until your death? Or perhaps your body would be exhumed years later and the old boy added in at that point? Seems pretty elaborate. It brings to mind the Egyptian pharaohs of old, whose slaves were killed and buried with them when they died.

Then there are so-called court dogs, who are trained to seek out distressed people attending court and help calm them. Granted, this is primarily for cases involving divorce and child custody, and no doubt the dogs provide comfort to traumatised minors, but to me it seems a band-aid solution; a distraction from reality even. Melbourne judge Amanda Mansini said it brought a tear to her eye to see one of the court dogs pacifying a hysterical three-year-old involved in a custody case, who wanted to be with her absent mother. I don’t like this look at the dog technique of distracting children from their sad, but real, feelings. “I thought it was all going to be okay, because it was fun with the dog there,” the poor manipulated child may say in future years.

Perhaps it won’t be long before these newly appointed court dogs are handed the gavel and asked to pass judgement on us humans. Whomever fido wags his tail at is off the hook and whomever he growls at goes to prison. Granted, this would be a big step up from current animal consultants, such as Punxsutawney Phil, but you never know.

There are also a lot of untruths popping up on the AI-facilitated internet, adding to the dog’s mystique and glory. ‘Dog saves baby from crocodile’ videos. Or dogs and babies interacting on what can only be described as a preternatural level.

Both dog and baby are presented as incredibly intelligent and caring in these AI creations, which are indeed entertaining and adorable, but not even remotely realistic. Many, though, I feel, are buying them as true. Or are not concerned about whether they are true or not. To be fair, they are about as true as a lot of things in their lives now, as they seem to be on the verge of living in a simulated world, one that no longer bothers distinguishing between fact and fiction.

Where in the past the camera was used to capture snippets of truth (aka ‘real life’), they were gold. We’d watch them on Candid Camera or Funniest Home Videos. Now we are all video producers and we can produce and post anything online, without regard to the truth. So we get confected scenes; skits played out to make a point. This could have happened, we say. Who’s to say what’s real and what’s not? The lines of reality are blurred. I tell my truth. There are badly acted scenarios to show how we should act. Moral story telling at its worst. Things like ‘I asked the shelter worker to point me to the ugliest, most abused dog and then I took that one home.’ Weird lies for the sake of lies – at best, for entertainment, I guess, and at worse, to deliberately trick people or affect the direction of social thought with falsehoods.

I think the two news stories I recently heard summarise where we are at. That Australia’s birth rate has dropped to its lowest ever level at 1.48 children per woman and that Virgin is now allowing pets up to 8kg in the cabin with people. I think there’s a connection there. Children are being devalued, dogs elevated. Mind you, both are unpleasant to share air space with. While children are loud, dogs are smelly. Trust me when I say that you’d rather have a tantrumming toddler next to you than my flatulent Boston Terrier.